The coffee is black, the cigars may be strong and you can drink with the big boys, but how do you react if someone comments on your personal habits? Do you a) laugh it off; b) counter with an insult; c) run to the bathroom in tears; c) look at the offending body part and shrug or d) punch the critic in the face and wipe the blood on his/her shirt because that will teach them a lesson.

My observation at the cigar patio where I hang out, where females are in the minority (there are two), is that human behavior is more fascinating when the discussion is based on topics where the expertise and passions are heightened. Fortunately for us, the topics are usually cigars, religion, wine, coffee or old jokes. Imagine what must go on at the Pentagon or Captial Hill in Ottawa where testosterone is off the charts! Once in a while however, one of us slips in a  gesture of generosity to the other, meant to improve their experience, or perhaps the group as a whole.

“May I make a suggestion, Lisa, ” Marty, the patio owner shares with me. A fine cigar is not a cigarette. “You do not need to butt it out (and he makes a grinding motion with his hand). It will go out by itself if it you just leave it on the ashtray. It only has a leaf wrapper, not a paper one.” I am mortified but realize he is doing me two favors here. One he has taught me a great lesson and he has waited until the others have left.Others are not so kind. The higher the testosterone, the louder and more aggressive the lesson. And no e-mails please but Europeans, Israelis – the observation of a faux pas can come with a quick correction. “WTF ARE YOU DOING????”, then the look of doom. The point is, in pods of specialized activities, passions run high and the rituals that go with them have very high expectations.

The Specialty Coffee business is no stranger to this activity. The higher up the beanstalk you go, the specific standards become more scientific, sometimes to the degree temperature and hour of day. A lightweight in the coffee business should expect to get roasted about the way their coffee beans are sourced, packaged, brewed and even tasted. To be dismissed by this crowd in round one means you are just having coffee and talking about the weather or movies. They will not waste their time on you. And if you ask about a detail trying to gain entry, get ready to be straightened out and then shut down. This knowledge took months or years to possess, and the explanation would be too long to explain over one coffee.

The best thing about cracking a circle of experts in any discipline is the pain is so worth it. The secret is, (move in close so I can whisper in your ear), to deal in a subject that is so wonderful that the fruit of your labor makes the expert want to hang out with you. In my case, I have rare coffee. I trade fresh, expensive beans and a bit of ego boost for information. “Thanks for that, I never knew that, you are brilliant sir, here’s a bag of Kona.” Somehow I do not think this would work if I was in the plastic cutlery business. Oh and the occasional abusive slur about your greenhorn technique? Goes with the territory. Grin and bear it.

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